Rut.

Is this what it feels like to be on the verge of giving up?

Not much really excites me any more.

Gigs, work, going to the shops.  It all feels like far too much effort to be worth it.

I should have been out to have a closer look at what is wrong with the car this week, but I haven't.  It just doesn't feel very urgent.

Applying for a new job has become more of a hobby than any real attempt at getting anywhere each time.  Every time I send off an application, it seems like a punt in the dark, which of course will nearly always miss, no matter what the target.

I should be ambitious, I know that, but that seems like so much exertion.  Let's face it, it'd probably be a waste of time as well.

I'm in a rut.  I have been for a few months now.  Every passing day has made the rut deeper and deeper, to the point where I feel I'm scrabbling at a sheer, insurmountable wall.

I am very scared.  Scared I won't be able to get out of this canyon.  Scared of what it may take to get out.


I want to go home.