Ugly.

"Hell, I'll shave my legs and wear a bra, even cut my penis off for you"

I would go to the end of the earth and back if, somehow, it would change her mind.


So, I pretty much hate being single.

After the weekend I just had, I feel like I should be snuggling up in bed with someone, rather than sitting on my own, writing a blog.

I yearn for that companionship again.  That presence.

I want to be missed, as sorely as I miss her.

I still feel incredibly unattractive.  Haircut, trying to look my best, trying to be as happy and fun to be around as possible.  I look in the mirror when I'm ready to go out, and I don't even recognise myself.  Of course, I know it is me, but in the past, I was able to see myself, and think "Lookin' good", or some other vain thought.  I'd then be complemented about how I looked.  That's not the case anymore.  There is now not one single bit of recognition for any efforts I make.  It just makes me wonder what the point in any of it might be.

I'm faced with the insurmountable task of getting over the girl I had planned on being with for the rest of my days.  If I'm honest with myself, I don't think I want to get over her.  It would be such a loss, and almost like I am giving up on the best opportunity I have ever had to be genuinely happy.

It feels like I am not destined to be happy.  It may have looked like I was moping around, somehow bored with what was going on, which has led me to end up in the situation I am in now.  I wasn't bored.  I wasn't moping around.  I just got too comfortable, and didn't show how much I truly appreciated her.  I can say this with certainty, because of how down I constantly am at the moment.